Keep on Living

Death is never easy. It doesn't matter if the person we lose is 1 or 100 its hard, its sad and Ill never get used to it. I have always said I don't deal well with people close to me dying. People tell me I'm stronger then I think however they aren't with me when I cry on a drive home because I see a spot you and I used to go shopping, or in a when I smell something that reminds me of something you'd cook or in my bed at night when my mind is wondering off and I think of all the things you did just to make me smile. Life seems kind of cruel at times. I mean you get to have years and years with people, some you instantly love some you grow to love. You get to know them inside and out. You start to respect them for their strengths and weaknesses then one day they get taken from you. The only thing you have are memories and pictures. I hate that saying "well at least they are in a better place." its really no comfort; at least not to me. I'm human and by nature humans are selfish. I don't care how nice heaven is I want you here with me. I want to be able to hug you, touch you, laugh, cry and joke with you. Heaven doesn't have a phone, no internet, no way for me to ever hear your voice, your kind words or your wise advice.
The thing I hate the most is attending a viewing. I know people come to pay their last respects but lets face it...viewings are for the living. I highly doubt when you die you float up to heaven and say "oh wait god..I gotta sit and watch my viewing below" They are to busy taking in the sights, sounds and overwhelming feeling of love I believe happens when your soul passes.
  I also understand we cant all live forever and who would want to? Could you imagine how long you'd have to work before one could retire?lol Yet this also is no comfort to me. Its a lose lose...people you love will die, you will be left here to pick up the pieces of your life and move on.
Theres no right answer about how much time is considered "acceptable" to grieve. Every one has their own opinion and usualy its based upon who has died. Apparently you get one amount of time if its a spouce, however its another amount if its a parent and as for aunts, uncles, cousins, well...that should be quick and simple. Thats not me. I feel everything deeply. I cry when I see a child on TV was killed. If Im watching a movie and something happens to an animal well Im done stick a fork in me. Yet everyday people die and everyday the ones left behind keep on living.

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.