Wednesday, August 27, 2014

I'm Back Bitches!

So I've been away for a while. I needed to take a break. I had friends that needed me, a marriage that needed me, family that needed me, pets that needed me; yes everyone needed a piece of me and I was spreading myself way to thin. I had to knock a few things off the list and this was something I LOVED doing but just didn't have the time for. Now I'm back (and as Jesse Pinkman would say) Bitches! 

Lets do a quick catch up session shall we:

  • I'm still in advertising and at the same place for 9.5 years now. What that means to me: In January I get 4 weeks vacation

  • I'm still married to my husband; That's not to say at times we didn't think we would still be here 11 years later. Lets just say every marriage goes through a "WTF am I doing" stage. We had that stage and made it past the tsunami (Id say storm but when Chris and I do anything we do it big)

  • My 2 pups Bella & Dylan; WOW things can change in an instant. Bella was diagnosed with Hystiocitic Sarcoma May 9 2014 & although my baby girl fought SO hard she lost her battle on July 18 2014. She was my first "baby" & the light of my life but every light fades and it was her time to now watch over us from above.

  • That brings me to present day. We now have Dylan (6.5) and Lucy (1) She is amazing and a complete lover. In typical Pouliot fashion she is a rescued American Pit bull Terrier. She loves us, Our king size bed, any human cuddling, veggies, her brother Dylan & outside free play time. Dylan is still warming up to her. Its only been a month and he's never been on his own aka Alpha pup. He always had Bella as his protector so he's still getting the hang of being the "boss." Lucy is submissive to him and so patient yet at times she will get real close to him and lick him as if she wants to say "I'm here, I love you, just love me back damn it!" It takes time and each day they do something new together and make progress so just like dating in the human world love takes time.

  • Babies: working on it & most likely will get some help. I'm starting to think my moms joke "Oh Kacey and Chris will be over with the triplets" may not be that far off. Like I once said to a doctor..If you put 3 in there only 2 are coming home from the hospital so unless you want a baby I suggest you keep that shit in mind.

  • My parents, brother, sister, nieces and nephews all healthy and happy.

  • My brother lives in NYC and as a kid who grew up in Carroll County (Farm land) he's doing amazingly well. We decided they will probably make a movie of his life when he hits it big. I picked DiCaprio to play him & I think Sandra will play me. She older then I but I feel like she could pull "being me" off.

  • My SS (soul sister) and lil monkey moved to LA as she got the job of a lifetime. After seeing them EVERY week for years it was a hard adjustment. Its still hard. Especially when Bella got sick and all I wanted was to sit with her, eat cheese, laugh & get a big hug from the monkey. However she and he are doing so well & shes happier then I've EVER seen her. All I ever wanted was her to get past the storm and have the rainbow she deserved and she has so I put my sadness aside and smile because she is smiling.

  • I made a "new" best friend. Her names Sarah. Her mom and my mom are also besties. After spending time with her I realized this woman was my Soul Mate. If we were gay we would be lovers, If this marriage gig doesn't work out we will just live together and spend all our time doing pointless stuff and laughing; like we do now but with more champs! Her son Lincoln aka My Boo Butt is the best behaved 1 year old ever and he makes me smile. For the 1st time a couple months ago he was being held by his dad and he reached out for me to hold him. At that moment I knew I "arrived" and that kid would always have a special place in his Aunt CC's heart. I still think one day Ill get him a pony.

Im sure there so much more but lets leave that for later posts. Don't want to spoil all the excitement in 1 blog! 

Lets end this with I'm happy, healthy, have great friends, an amazing family and so much more to say so as I said in the beginning I'M BACK BITCH'S get excited! 

Friday, September 2, 2011

So I decided a while back to kinda plan my funeral. Not actually go to a funeral home, pick out a casket and get a headstone but rather do some planning for things I really feel are important for me to have done, read or sang when I die. Somehow its comforting to know I have these few key elements taken care of. Below is a poem I sent out. One of my best friends Shannon has offered herself up to read it at a podium, in the church at my funeral. I think this will set the tone for how I'm hoping people will handle my death moving forward. No I'm not planning ON KICKING THE BUCKET ANYTIME SOON lol but those who know me well know I'm a planner. It makes me feel at ease when I have a plan. Some may think its strange or morbid but if you look at it from my point of view I will kinda know what my funeral will be like even thought I'm technically not there to see it and that is comforting to me. Death inst the end, its just the beginning of a new life in a different dimension.

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years

because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,

then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,

just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,

remember you're not're coming here to me.

Ruth Ann Mahaffey (author)

©Copyright 1998

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Divorce...The kids come first

I said it once and Ill say it again; DIVORCE SUCKS! Whether you're getting a divorce, been through divorce, a friend of someone getting divorced or have divorced parents its the same; its sad, hard, confusing and emotionally taxing.
  Lets go back to 1982. I was 2 and my parents decided to divorce. I have no recollection of this. I have one memory of my "birth parents" and I together and we were feeding ducks and eating ice cream (go figure I remember the ice cream lol) I cant tell you if the divorce affected me because again I don't really remember my parents as a married couple. To this day I look at them and just don't get how they were ever a couple. They are so different; maybe that's why they aren't married now. I lucked out. I got amazing "bonus" parents and I call them "mom" and "dad." To me they are my parents. I have 4 parents, 2 moms and 2 dads. Thats been my life since I was about 3 or 4. I'm used to it cause I don't know differently. #1 rule in my book...Let your child decide if they like your ex's new partner. It would have been very easy for either my mom or father to get upset about the other moving on...maybe they were but again I never knew if that was the case because they let me decide how I felt about the new person. Of course theres exceptions. No one should introduce their child to a new partner in the first few months or introduce the child to every person they date; but when they find that person whos very special to them, who they have grown to really know and trust its up to you as an ex to let your child decide if they like them (again as long as the new mate isn't detrimental to the child, evil or a killer of course lol) My parents didn't really fight. As far as I know. If they did it wasn't in front of me. I NEVER have heard my Father speak bad about my mom or dad (I call my bonus dad "dad" and my birth father "father" its how we keep it all straight around here lol of course when Im with my Father I call him dad. Confused yet?) Ive also never heard my mom speak ill of my father. They were always nice and civil, they put me first and made the transition very smooth and easy on me and Ill assume that's why I adjusted so easily and I'm not "damaged" by it as an adult. I don't have a jaded perception of marriage. I know not all men cheat or treat women badly. I grew up in a home where my mom and dad (bonus dad) loved one another. They argued because when you're married you're bound to get into it but they also always made up. I learned how to communicate with my now husband by watching them lead by example. I learned even when you have kids you and your spouse need to still make time for each other. Don't get so wrapped up in your kids you forget why they are there to begin with. You as a husband and wife set the foundation for which your children learn.
  I have found my parents divorce is not the "norm." Most people who divorce aren't so civil and nice. They forget that there's a child involved and that needs to be the priority not your own wants and needs. Sometimes you have to put your own dreams on hold to parent effectively. I'm not saying give up, everyone should have a dream for the future but when you decide to have a child you have decided to say "I'm not number one anymore all the time." You have a little person who needs you and depends on you. I'm not sure why this is so hard for some divorcees to understand. It seems like common sense. I know its possible because I saw my own parents do it and have been doing it since I was 2. What gets me the most is men or even women (but its mostly men) who believe once you leave the home being a part-time parents OK. ITS NOT! Ask the child, they will tell you first hand they miss you, love you and need you around. Of course things will change. If you're divorced; one parent will see the child less however make an effort. Make every possible effort to be there and present especially when it counts the most. Don't play "fun parent" all the time. You cant let your own guilt for leaving take you away from your number one job..parenting. You still need to discipline and set boundaries.The child will be all the better for it in the end. I don't care if you as 2 adults dont like each other. Keep your mouth shut, play nice and fake it for your own little one. Trust me and take it from someone who knows this will pay off in the end; I'm living proof. I came from that divorced home and I'm normal, healthy, happily married and have 4 parents I love very much.
 The point is divorce is hard. Hard on you, hard on friends, on family and most of all the children. Do whats right by them. Before you act or speak ask yourself "is what I'm about to say or do going to benefit my child?" If the answer is no..shut your mouth.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Keep on Living

Death is never easy. It doesn't matter if the person we lose is 1 or 100 its hard, its sad and Ill never get used to it. I have always said I don't deal well with people close to me dying. People tell me I'm stronger then I think however they aren't with me when I cry on a drive home because I see a spot you and I used to go shopping, or in a when I smell something that reminds me of something you'd cook or in my bed at night when my mind is wondering off and I think of all the things you did just to make me smile. Life seems kind of cruel at times. I mean you get to have years and years with people, some you instantly love some you grow to love. You get to know them inside and out. You start to respect them for their strengths and weaknesses then one day they get taken from you. The only thing you have are memories and pictures. I hate that saying "well at least they are in a better place." its really no comfort; at least not to me. I'm human and by nature humans are selfish. I don't care how nice heaven is I want you here with me. I want to be able to hug you, touch you, laugh, cry and joke with you. Heaven doesn't have a phone, no internet, no way for me to ever hear your voice, your kind words or your wise advice.
The thing I hate the most is attending a viewing. I know people come to pay their last respects but lets face it...viewings are for the living. I highly doubt when you die you float up to heaven and say "oh wait god..I gotta sit and watch my viewing below" They are to busy taking in the sights, sounds and overwhelming feeling of love I believe happens when your soul passes.
  I also understand we cant all live forever and who would want to? Could you imagine how long you'd have to work before one could retire?lol Yet this also is no comfort to me. Its a lose lose...people you love will die, you will be left here to pick up the pieces of your life and move on.
Theres no right answer about how much time is considered "acceptable" to grieve. Every one has their own opinion and usualy its based upon who has died. Apparently you get one amount of time if its a spouce, however its another amount if its a parent and as for aunts, uncles, cousins, well...that should be quick and simple. Thats not me. I feel everything deeply. I cry when I see a child on TV was killed. If Im watching a movie and something happens to an animal well Im done stick a fork in me. Yet everyday people die and everyday the ones left behind keep on living.
You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

LIFE = The sum of all your choices

LIFE...Its full of unexpected surprises; some good some bad but either way they are things that need to be dealt with, corrected or even just acknowledged. I feel like its become the "norm" for a lot of people to talk about their problems in great detail and go on and on about how awful something in their life is yet never come to the realization that if you're not happy, if somethings not working for you...change it. The best part about being a grown up is we all have the power over each decision we make. If we are in a situation that saddens us or makes us angry we all have the power within us to walk away. I'm not saying this light heartily. I'm not implying its always easy or that the road we choose will lead where we imagine it to. What I am saying is life is full of choices. You're never stuck in a situation longer then you allow yourself to be. You are only a victim if you allow yourself to play the "victim" role. Bad things happen to good people everyday. Sometimes you make plans and they don't work out. You know the saying "we are busy making plans while god laughs." Life is one long winding road. All roads have bumps, bridges, cracks and at times floods. However sometimes you come across a road that's perfect. Its clean, paved and easy to cross. Those roads are like a break from the crappy ones. This parallels life. They're will be bumps, there will be days where it seems never ending, one thing after another and nothing goes your way but then you get that one perfect day. Everything you wanted and needed fall's into place. You start to forget about all the negative and realize that all those "hiccups" led you to where you were destined to be. The "bumps" have prepared you for what lies ahead. You look behind you and realize you have weathered the storm, made it through and you have one more notch in your belt. We all need to have these moments. We need to learn how to "prepare for the worst and hope for the best." Stop sitting around waiting for things to be different. Use your own power within to make them different. 
"When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice."  ~William James
If you have chosen to do nothing thats your decision and you need to live with the outcome. Again you chose it. LIFE is simple...Its a sum of all your choices. Some you made yourself and some where made for you as a child. Either way it our decisions not the conditions of our lives that determine our destiny.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

In the end all we really are is human

LOVE: Noun; An intense feeling of deep affection
TRUST: Verb; to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something

HONESTY: Noun; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. 
RESPECT: Verb; to hold in esteem or honor

I read a story about Interracial marriages and how at one time they were forbidden in many states, until the Supreme Court ruled that those laws were unconstitutional by way of "Loving vs.Virginia." The Lovings were an interracial couple who were jailed for being married. They were released but told they couldn't live in Virginia. They sued and won. How ironic their last name was "Loving."
 As I read the story I thought to myself how ridiculous this all seemed to me. States having laws as late as 1959 that a black person and a white person couldn't be married. Although the color of their skin was different they had one thing in common for sure...they were both referred to as a "person."
Its 2011 and we would NEVER think to tell a man and a woman of different race or color they couldn't be married so my question is why is it OK to tell a man and a man or a woman and a woman who are in love and want to be joined in a union as wife and wife or husband and husband that they cant? If you read the definition's of the words above; the very basis for a good marriage, no where will you see these characteristics defined by a gender but rather by the character one holds within.
 I understand there are people who do not agree with this, who think marriage is an institution between man and woman. To those people; I think we all have to believe in something and I'm not here to say what you should and shouldn't believe in. Your morals and judgments are your own however I do not chose to believe the way you do and I wont argue or try to sway you into my beliefs. All I ask is that everyone in the United States should be able to decide what their own beliefs are and act accordingly as long as it doesn't physically hurt or harm anyone in the process. Inst that the very foundation America was founded on? Being free to make ones own choices in the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness?

Love, faith and friendship are the 3 fundamentals to a happy life. I believe you need all 3 to be a complete, balanced person. Those 3 fundamentals must also be present in a marriage if its going to sustain over a long period of time; hopefully ones lifetime. What right is it of anyone's to tell 2 people who feel that way about one another they don't have the legal and human right to stand before god, their friends and family and make it legal/official.
Back in the 50's, 60's and even 70's it was considered taboo to even live with a person of the opposite sex before marriage. Now its considered "normal" and even healthy.The majority of people who are married lived with their spouse ahead of time. There's even a large group of cohabitants who will never get married. They are content living together, sharing a life but don't feel the need to legalize what they feel they already have. Most of us in 2011 wont look at couples who decide to live this way with disdain. We don't preach that they are going against god or going to hell. Its just become the "norm" and that's accepted by most of society this day and age. My hope for the future and for my children's future is this is the way gay marriage will be looked at not to long from now. I hope my children see 2 people who are in love getting married and not define it as a "gay marriage" but by what it really is...2 people who are in love and want to seal that sacred union before god and their loved ones and have it be recognized just as any marriage would be. I hope they read stories about the time 2 gay men or 2 lesbians couldn't legally marry and think "WOW! That's archaic, mean and unjustified" just as I did while reading about blacks and whites not being able to marry. I want my children to grow up in a world where people are equal. Where love is the most important emotion of them all and at the end of the day loving someone and to be loved in return is all we really have and everything that really matters.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Five Lessons About How To Treat People

Five Lessons About How To Treat People
-- Author Unknown

1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."

5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.